A brilliant recent example of Russian efficiency by my company.

Last year we had a slight problem with security: several teachers had personal possessions stolen from the staffroom at central school, a room used only by teachers. In short, there was a tea-leaf amongst us! So over the summer Language Link installed a bank of brand-new lockers along one wall, one for each teacher. Problem solved.

Two days after their installation, one teacher accidentally realised that her key could open not only her locker but also the one next to it. Hang on a minute - and the one next to that. And the one above it. In fact, it could open all of them. No, it gets better - every key could open every single locker! Now that's what I call security.

I went down to tell adminstration. "Oh yes," the administrator said, "we knew. We were just hoping that no-one would realise."