Perhaps I should tell you a little about my new flatmate. As I've already said, he is a Welshman called Gareth. He also went to Nottingham Uni, the same as me. So far so good (apart from the Welsh bit).

Less promising, perhaps, are his Craig David-style beard and his musical sheep thong that he not only wears around the flat (!) but also takes to parties. In fact, he has a variety of thongs and novelty clothes generally. This is a man whose proudest possession is his 'Nobody Knows I'm a Lesbian' t-shirt. Second perhaps is his Watch Out Children: Maniac' t-shirt.

Also, he's not actually called Gareth but Andrew, mutch in the same way my previous flatmate called himself Anthony even though his name was Ryan. So a pattern is emerging.